All Figured Out?

I thought I had everything (about my future) figured out.

I thought that I'd be able to pursue post-grad study at highly acclaimed universities. For the past few months I have had to turn down 4 university offers, from universities that were in the top 10 of TIMES University Ranking. It's just so hard to get a university where both me & Mr.H are accepted. I'd rather not go than to have to go alone. This experience made me truly realize the meaning of "antara cinta dan cita-cita". Ahaha (a sad laughter).

Everyone has at least a rough idea of what they want in life. Some people would simply say "wealth" or "power" or "a big bungalow with swimming pool" or "opening my own boutique/spa/shop". I had a vague idea of what I wanted my life to be like ever since high school. But I actually wrote it down only in 2007, when I was so stressed with work (always coming home late at night) and felt my life was going nowhere. Fantasizing about your perfect life may make you feel better but it is unlikely to help you transform your dreams into reality. Writing it down helps to keep them fresh in mind, create an affirmation, and you'll be able to review them from time to time.

My So-Called "Life Planning"

Trying to cheer myself up, I reviewed my written life planning, hoping that I was not too far behind. I'm quite behind schedule for some milestones. I'm being optimistic that I can catch up with most of it. Although the possibility of some milestones seems quite low right now... such as having five kids (I'd be very lucky to even end up with four due to personal reasons I do not wish to elaborate here)... I'm not planning to change any of the milestones just yet. I'm still keeping hope that they are achievable but they just need more time than planned.

Dreams. Milestones. Bucketlist. They are all the same to me.

I'm probably having a quarter-life crisis right now. My 20s (the supposedly glory days) has ended and I'm supposed to be more "adult-ful". I'm not sad because it turns out that unicorns and leprechauns do not exist but it feels quite sad thinking about childhood dreams that never quite came true and settling for more "practical" and "useful" dreams goals. Dwelling on all the things that I could have done differently in my life.

Some of my friends tell me that age is just number. I wonder if they really believe that. Biology will always be biology, there's no escaping it. The clock never stops ticking. It's not about being an unthankful brat, but it's more about challenging the status quo of your existence,  making time for things you want and recognizing and cutting out the things that you don't. Sloughing off the unessential in life. I think it's a good thing to question your journey as you pass into new life phases.