It's almost 2 am. I have to write this down and get it out of my system.
When an outsider can give specific details on the differences between you and your predecessor, you know that to some extent, the complaint must have come from an insider. That shocked me coz I felt that everything was fine between me and my new colleagues... and it also hurts coz I did not feel any negativity towards them so was I really a bad apple? I was so thankful that right after this hurtful incident, I had to go to QA for 6 weeks and not have to face the people who might have said those things. It might have been just one person from the whole division but still, I felt betrayed. If you don't understand how & why I felt this way, you should read the book "Speed of Trust".
The 6 weeks away from office gave me enough time for "soul searching". How can someone say "ada pun tak berkurang, tak de pun tak bertambah"? Did me attending meetings, out station, work till night... count for nothing? Nothing at all?
I think it might have spun from my way of handling things. First and foremost, I don't micromanage. That might have made people feel neglected or their efforts unrecognised. Secondly, I don't like to memorise or do things that I feel are not necessary. Despite being an emotional person, there are things that I deem as "doesn't matter" and should be as simple as possible but people might read it as plain lazy. That's among the things that I could think of to improve.
Anyway, Mr.H says that when someone you have always been opened with complains about you BEHIND YOUR BACK, it's not even worth your time. "Lain la kalau cakap wktu mmg perbincangan prestasi kerja ke, LNPT ke...". The higher you go the more toes you are going to accidentally step on and the more people will find something bad about you to talk about. I'm not perfect and I know I'm always going to be "a work in progress". The only person who is not "a work in progress" is someone who doesn't want to improve anything about himself anymore.
One thing for sure, the higher I go the faster I need to instill the "ada aku kisah?" attitude besides knowing the difference between a constructive criticism and a destructive one.
Dah 3-series baru analisa benda2 mcm ni? Lambat betul nak "grow-up". Ahaha.
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