Lembut vs. Kasar

Have you often heard someone say "Dia tu nampak je lembut tapi sebenarnya..." or "Dia tu luaran je kasar tapi sebenarnya..."

More often than not, the former would end in a negative connotation while the latter in a positive connotation. For example "Dia tu nampak je lembut tapi sebenarnya jahat" and "Dia tu nampak je kasar tapi sebenarnya hati dia baik."

The next further elaboration would be "Dia tu nampak je lembut tapi sebenarnya jahat. Depan-depan je senyum & lembut2 tapi hati dia jahat & pendendam & busuk hati & etc" and "Dia tu nampak je kasar tapi sebenarnya hati dia baik. Kalau dia cakap kasar atau marah2 dia lepas time tu aje tapi tak simpan dalam hati".

I don't know about you but it's a very familiar situation that I face in my shallow minded Malay society. I specifically say Malay because I did not have this problem when I was in Convent Kajang or with friends from other races. It's as if an outer-soft person is being measured against an angel (which is impossible to measure up to!) while an outer-harsh person is being measured against the devil (where even the slightest goodness is being praised furiously). Being soft or harsh has nothing to do with having flaws. Soft-spoken or harsh-spoken, both are human and both have flaws.